There’s a version of me that doesn’t exist yet. Or maybe she does, somewhere down the line, and I’m just catching up to her.
Every time I have to make a decision – big or small – I ask myself one thing: does this get me closer to her?
Not closer to what my parents wanted. Not closer to what looks good on paper. Closer to the woman I actually want to become.
Today in 4 minutes or less, you’ll learn:
✔️ A simple question that filters almost every decision for me
✔️ A reflection on whether your past self would recognise you
✔️ Why betting on yourself is the least risky thing you can do
Doable ideas 💭
Pick one decision you’re sitting with right now. Could be tiny – do I go to bed at 10 or scroll for another hour. Could be big – do I stay in this job, this city, this relationship.
Now picture yourself five years from now, living the life you actually want. Not the safe version. The real one.
Ask him/her: “does this choice get me closer to you?”
That’s it. That’s the whole exercise. You’ll be surprised how fast the answer shows up when you stop asking your current, tired, over-caffeinated self and start asking the version of you who’s already made it.
Reflections 🪞
If your past self – the one from three, five, ten years ago – could see you today, would she be proud of who you’ve become? Or would she be quietly disappointed that you settled?
Mindfulness 🧘🏻♀️
Back in 2018, I wrote down that I wanted to make music 24/7.
Not as a hobby. Not on weekends. As my actual life. I was still in accounting at the time – spreadsheets and audit deadlines and the whole performance of pretending I was fine. I didn’t even know music therapy existed at that time.
In 2022, I wrote out what my ideal relationship would look like. Not vague stuff like “someone kind.” Specifics. How we’d talk to each other, how we’d handle hard days, what our mornings would feel like.
And somewhere along the way, I got obsessive about the small stuff too. My ideal day. What time I’d wake up. What I’d eat. How I’d feel walking into a room.
People told me it was too much. Too specific. Too rigid.
But here’s what I’ve learned: the more specific your vision, the easier every decision becomes.
Vague vision leads to vague choices
When I didn’t know what I wanted, I said yes to everything. Every client. Every catch-up. Every commitment that sounded like the right thing to do.
And I was exhausted. Not because I was doing too much, but because I was doing too much of the wrong things.
Once I wrote down what I actually wanted – in detail – the noise got quieter. I stopped agonising over decisions. I just held them up against the vision and asked: “does this get me closer, or further?”
Most things, it turns out, get you further. And that’s okay. You just have to be honest about it.
Your future self is not a stranger
Here’s the part people miss. Your future self isn’t some fantasy character. She’s you, plus every decision you make between now and then.
So when you skip the practice, skip the boundary, skip the hard conversation, you’re not just letting present-you off the hook. You’re stealing from her.
And when you show up – when you do the thing you said you’d do, when you bet on yourself even when it’s inconvenient – you’re building her. One small choice at a time.
Stop waiting for permission
The biggest waste of time is waiting for someone else to tell you it’s okay to want what you want.
Waiting for the right moment. Waiting to feel ready. Waiting for someone to hand you a life that fits.
No one is coming. No one is going to walk up to you and say “hey, you’re allowed to build the life you actually want now.”
You have to bet on yourself. Not in the loud, quit-your-job-and-post-about-it way. In the quiet way. The way where you write it down, in detail, and then make one decision today that gets you closer to her.
And then you do it again tomorrow.
Ideas Worth Pondering 🧠
Chase your desired lifestyle, not your desired title. People are blinded by status and labels. Once you release the need for a specific title, there is almost always an easier path to living your preferred lifestyle.
– James Clear
Video This Week 🎥
If you’re the person who always seems fine – but doesn’t actually feel fine – this one is for you.
I’m talking about the quiet kind of burnout that builds slowly, especially when you’re used to holding everything together.
Watch here 👇🏻
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