Why Do We Listen to Sad Songs When We Feel Sad? 💔

You probably have that friend or family member who tells you to “cheer up” when you are visibly upset.

Similar to happy songs, “cheer up” is the last thing we want to hear when we feel sad.

Throughout my 2-year career as a music therapist, I’ve encountered many clients and parents who think “listening to calm music = emotion regulation”, or “those rap/heavy metal music are brainwashing my kids into drugs and alcohol”.

Are those true?

Debunking Myths Around Music and Mood

During my teen years I excessively listened to (and relied on) sad and moody music to a point I had to go buy a pair of earphones if I forgot to bring them with me. I exclusively wrote sad songs. Most of my journal entries were dark. I did not have much hope about the future.

Well, I seemed to be fine and functioning alright now – with the right mindset. So the question is, are certain music more beneficial to our emotional health? And why do we listen to sad songs when we feel sad?

According to research 🤓, there is pleasure when we listen to sad songs even though we feel sad. In particular, there is a difference between “perceived emotion” and “felt emotion”. We perceive the sadness of sad music but feel both sadness and pleasure (more romantic, blither and less tragic) when we listen to it. Music-induced pleasure can activite the dopaminergic system just like when we have food and sex.

Music Speaks When Words Fail

Don’t forget we don’t just use language to describe our feelings.

Ever felt something heavy in our chest, or tightness in our stomach that we cannot explain in words? Then there is always a song that perfectly depicts whatever we are going through. In that sense, we can draw comfort knowing that someone else has been through what we’re going through right now and we can relate to that. Sad music might provide a chance to sort out our feelings.

This also explains why the non-verbal elements of music work so well in terms of communication and emotion expression: before language was invented, human beings used gestures, rhythms, chanting or other non-verbal cues (eye contact, body position etc.) to communicate.

Pay attention to the musical elements in the music you listen to next time: the tempo, volume, cadence, pitch, timbre etc. How do they affect your mood?

Like Everything Else, It’s About How You Use It

Music can be a double-edged sword. Intention is always key when you use any tool. Ask yourself: what am I trying to achieve? Does this help or worsen the situation?

We own 100% responsibility. We can either leverage music to enrich our lives or work through our sadness, or we can let it take us to the darkside.